She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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