Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We had sex on a dog bed..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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