i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
her vagine was all disorganized.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
