Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
