Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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