just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
COCAINE IS GR8
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize