I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
