that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
