Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
wanna go halves on a baby?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
