so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
