I didn't shave. On purpose
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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