I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm like, not good at living.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
