we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
