So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
