i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
