So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
