So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
