im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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