I hate your face
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
