Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
