OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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