How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
