When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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