You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
