oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
