Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
