i'm signing you up for texting rehab
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
