if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Bang-toberfest begins!!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
