I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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