This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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