Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
