I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
