JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
