Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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