We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
