I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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