sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
