whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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