I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
