I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
