I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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