ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
