burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
