Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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