I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
