No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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