my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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