Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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