Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
