just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
