my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
