wrigley field is MILF paradise
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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