Barsexuality is the new black.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
