would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He felt like a one man threesome
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
