Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
