what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize