bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
