It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
