as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
