If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
we're so committed to being not committed
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
