even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
