you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
