i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish they made helmets for livers.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
