I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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